Prospective Queer Parents Discussion Questions

Here is a list of discussion questions for prospective queer parents.If you have more questions to add to the list, email them towild@willdoherty.org. Source ofthese discussion questions has unfortunately been lost, soif you know please let me know so we can get permission andgive credit where credit is due.

"TO BE OR NOT TO BE A PARENT" AND HOW TO GET THERE: List ofQuestions/Issues Related to Becoming a Lesbian/Gay Parent

I. Issues that Occur Mainly Pre-Insemination/Conception:

  • Why are we each wanting to become parents? Are the reasons compatible?
  • Personal & family medical history? What medical tests are necessary?
  • What issues (see rest of entire page) are non-negotiable for each ofus?
  • What is the role of current/future lovers in this relationship?
  • Are we personally compatible (by whatever standards/processesappropriate)?
  • What previous experiences with/exposure to kids?
  • Do we want a written agreement? What will itinclude? Covenant/contract?
  • What are the ways that we can change any agreements that we make?
  • Who has the best health plan & how to use it?
  • Nutrition/fertility issues we need to agree upon?
  • Issues about lifestyle/drugs/alcohol/sex practices we need to agreeupon?
  • What are our respective decision-making styles; do we need to adjust?
  • When we have conflicts, how have we (past)/will we (future) handlethem?
  • Financial responsibility and expenses during this time?
  • What kind of insemination/conception practices will we follow? Use adoctor?
  • Assuming things work, is a second child important to either?

    [Note: Any issue listed below could also be listed as an issue inthis section, because it may need to be discussed and worked out priorto conception, even though it will actually appear later]

    II. Issues that Occur Mainly From Conception to Birth:

  • Whether/how to divide financial responsibilities during pregnancy.
  • How will we share responsibility (illness, inability to do certainthings, etc.)?
  • What medical tests will be performed during pregnancy?
  • What to do if there are medical problems? When is abortionappropriate?
  • What are the options for birth, participation by the father, midwife,etc?
  • Will the father have a role in pregnancy/birth training? Name onbirth certificate?

    III. Issues that Occur Mainly From Birth to ???

  • Whether/how to divide financial responsibilities.
  • Whether/how to divide time responsibilities.
  • How to handle differences in personal & child raising styles?Nutrition stuff?
  • Ideas and values about child care, day care & education?
  • How to respond if child is not perfect(with the variety of meaningsthat has)?
  • What will the living arrangements be? What if one parent wants tomove?
  • How to divide responsibility for child raising/discipline?
  • How to handle religion/spiritual issues? Issues around choosing aname?
  • How to handle differences in values/politics? Conflict resolution?
  • What is the role of current/future lovers in this relationship?Priorities?
  • What is the role of each of our families of origin in the life of thechild?
  • What is the line of succession if one of us dies or is incapacitated?
  • Are there any issues around drugs/alcohol/cigarettes, or addictions?
  • Do we need to make any commitments about sex practices?
  • How compatible are our social communities?

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    This web site maintained and copyrighted©1996-2002 by Will Doherty. Last modified on 16 May 2002.